Archive for September, 2009

15
Sep
09

Let Go

copy NYC 091As I walk into my first graduate level course, I find myself amongst 2nd year students, full-time professionals, and doctoral candidates. Our professor is personable and welcoming (still much unlike a vast population here), but he’s no pushover. “Who’s your professor? What does he do?” Oh, you know…no big. He’s just the Associate Vice President of Student Affairs at NYU. First assignment: five chapters full of statistics on the demise of American community. Graduate school has officially begun.

I left that first class with a multitude of thoughts running wild in my head. The prevalent theme was, “what am I doing??” It’s not that I doubt this is the career path I want to go down. It was more of an overwhelming feeling of “just give me the damn piece of paper that says M.A.” I reflected a bit more after that only to discover it was a stupid idea. How can I expect to be an educator without educating myself? I ain’t no hypocrite. I read my chapters.

Much like the subways here, life is zooming by with greater ease than before. My subway savvy continues to bolster my self-esteem. It was odd not having a sense of direction, but it’s coming back to me. I can confidently read for class while waiting and riding on the trains. New York life might keep my on my toes for hours on end, but at least I can get things done in the traveling process.

It’s been a month and a half since I’ve been here. Life has not stopped since, but I’m happy with it. I went from being bored out of my mind to removing the word bored out of my vocabulary, so to speak. In class, at work, and in social settings, I’ve been describe by peers and colleagues as being quiet. It really took me by surprise, to be honest. I think my guard is copy NYC 080still up, but little by little, I think I’m starting to let people in. It’s been a struggle to relate on many levels, but hopefully when I look back on my experience here, I will have learned more from others because of it.

I can’t say that I’m homesick, because I’m loving my time here. I am missing familiar faces and people I don’t have to create that familiar relationship with. Part lazy, part comforting, I suppose. Judging by my classmates and co-workers, I will get there. I need to be willing to give a bit more of myself, I think…but I’ll get there.

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